36 Questions to Fall in Love

Based on the famous study by psychologist Arthur Aron. These questions are designed to create closeness between two people — one question at a time.

About the Study

In 1997, psychologist Arthur Aron developed 36 questions designed to accelerate intimacy between two strangers. The questions gradually escalate in depth and personal disclosure. Years later, a New York Times essay by Mandy Len Catron — "To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This" — brought the study into the spotlight.

How it works

Sit with your partner. Take turns answering each question out loud. There are 3 sets — each one goes deeper. Take your time.

1

Getting to Know

12 questions

2

Getting Personal

12 questions

3

Getting Close

12 questions

All 36 Questions

Set 1 — Getting to Know Each Other

These opening questions help you start sharing and learning about each other in a comfortable way.

  1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
  2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
  3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
  4. What would constitute a "perfect" day for you?
  5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
  6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
  7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
  8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
  9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
  10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
  11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
  12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set 2 — Getting Personal

Now the questions go deeper — into your values, dreams, and memories.

  1. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
  2. Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?
  3. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
  4. What do you value most in a friendship?
  5. What is your most treasured memory?
  6. What is your most terrible memory?
  7. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
  8. What does friendship mean to you?
  9. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
  10. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
  11. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?
  12. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set 3 — Getting Close

The final set asks for real vulnerability and honesty. Take your time with these.

  1. Make three true "we" statements each. For instance, "We are both in this room feeling..."
  2. Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could share..."
  3. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for them to know.
  4. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met.
  5. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
  6. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
  7. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
  8. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
  9. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?
  10. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
  11. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
  12. Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how they might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Frequently Asked Questions

What are the 36 questions to fall in love?
The 36 questions come from a 1997 study by psychologist Arthur Aron and his colleagues, published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. The study found that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness. In 2015, a New York Times essay by Mandy Len Catron — "To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This" — brought the study into the mainstream. The questions are divided into three sets that gradually increase in intimacy and personal disclosure.
Do the 36 questions actually work?
The original study showed that pairs who went through the 36 questions felt significantly closer afterward compared to control groups who engaged in small talk. While the questions won't guarantee romantic love, they are scientifically shown to accelerate feelings of closeness, trust, and vulnerability between two people — which are the building blocks of deep connection.
How long do the 36 questions take?
Most couples take between 45 and 90 minutes to go through all 36 questions. The original study allotted 45 minutes, but there's no strict time limit. Some questions naturally lead to longer conversations — that's a good sign. Take your time and let the conversation flow.
Can established couples do the 36 questions?
Yes, absolutely. While the study was originally designed for strangers, many established couples find the questions just as powerful — sometimes even more so. Long-term partners often discover things they never knew about each other, or find new ways to express feelings they've never put into words. It's a wonderful way to reconnect and deepen your bond.

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